It's a hard thing to keep the morale up for men playing a professional sports team. I mean look at the Philadelphia 76ers. Playing on a side that has probably won less amount of games over three years than Kanye getting probed by Amber Rose (for the record the over-under is 41). And for an animal of an athlete like Kobe Bryant, who is currently on a farewell tour, should be loving it but as has said numerous times that being on a team this bad, sucks.
Let's face it, no one likes losing.
So after what was a difficult season for one of Xpert Eleven's most famous clubs, BK Hammarslag, where they were relegated after undertaking a brutal rebuild, changes were needed. The once eccentric and notorious manager of the side, Sir Chef, was much a recluse last year trying too much to focus on the results. There's only so much that training can do for the boys Morale was needed to grow and succeed. And the results seem to speak for themselves so far. Valiant efforts after three league match days means Hammarslag have won one and tied the last two.
So today Sir Chef is sharing some of his personal secrets on how he is motivating his team:
1.) For instance, I told our squad we needed more goals in this last match. And after seeing social media go bonkers over Kim Kardashians naked selfie, I said you score two or more goals in this match, I'll post a naked selfie without the black bits covering up of myself and they banged in three! So unfortunately now whilst the photo hasn't had that many likes, there's been many "LOL, where is it" and "how much milk do those things produce." Well I would just like to say I did the selfie as I'm an independent white man who don't need no plastic surgery to vindicate your narcissistic tendencies, (yes Sharon Osborne, I'm looking at you)
2.) With the recent success Hammarslag has had results wise, we actually have generated quite a bit of interest form companies wanting to advertise with us. So I threw the decision over to the boys and said you decide what companies you want to sponsor us. At the end of the day they're the ones that have to represent the shirt and the club, so they should feel proud representing it. At this time their have been no decisions, but stay tuned.
3.) Eve and Esther, two lifelong season ticket holders, decided they would like to donate 44,500 econ to the club because they thought the clubs shorts were too ugly. Well Eve and Esther we would like to say "**** you, we love our pink shorts and there ain't no way we changing them. And we're keeping the money" So I asked the boys, what do you wanna do with the money? Obvious answer, hookers and coke. It was a great night last night, unfortunately with with the value of the X11 econ reflecting the state of the game, 44,500 econ doesn't get you much other than a couple from the corner...
On a couple of unrelated notes, seven of the squad had to miss training this morning for precautionary reasons. Just a few checks and tests. Nothing to worry about. Also we would like to announce our new advertising partners: Durex condoms and STI365, a sexually transmitted infection helpline for those struggling with STIs. Their number is 1-800-HERPES. And we at Durex BK Hammarslag would also like to remind you to always put something on the end of it, as Jeremy Kyle in real life, ain't as fun as he is on televison.
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