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| Cowabunga! Malibu Deadbeat in Zürich |
At a rare press conference held this morning at Letzigrund Stadium, Manager Bartnel Botha announced the signing of 'the new deadbeat player' for Grasshopper-Club Zürich.
When asked about the wisdom of seeking out such a talent, or whether his atrocious German had been misunderstood, Botha confidently rebutted, "no, you have it all wrong. He's not a deadbeat - his name is literally Deadbeat, Malibu Deadbeat!"
Grasshopper-Club Zürich is now Malibu Deadbeat's fourth club as well as the Power League the fourth league he has played in. However, despite being a bit of a drifter both in performance as well as in name, his career numbers collected so far with previous clubs FC Manastireni (Euro League), Denizlispor (Pro League), and Ajax U Craiova (Ultimate League) are better than to be expected (43 goals in 91 matches) for a bargain substitute-role signing.
The irony with this new signing is Deadbeat is expected to replace as many as three 'deadbeat' (statistical deadbeats - not literally named deadbeat, like Malibu is) forwards in the GCZ line-up.
"Dudes, I have never been so excited with any deadbeat player as I am with this Deadbeat, Malibu - and we hope his 'dreamy, cowabunga beach-partying playing-style cranking out the goals' and his signature flip-flops used on the playing field instead of cleats will liven up our offensive backwash heading into this new season," explained Botha, sporting a flowered shirt, ray-bans, and sipping from a spicy pineapple margarita.
"If nothing else, dude, all his surf boards and beach tents set up along the sideline will liven up the place - and perhaps attract some paying, female fans to our games"
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