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| Ribs, whiskey and talking the talk |
Here at the Steggeringly Awesome Fanzine, we've had a great season. I mean, a really great season. I'm sure a lot of Stegger Athletic fans have.
The build up to the final match of the season was so relaxed it might as well have have been wearing sun glasses, sitting in a deck chair, listening to the soothing, rhythmic waves of the ocean smoothing pebbles on a beach.
The last game came and went with little to no pressure on Stegger Athletic's young squad. With the title wrapped up a few weeks before and the season further back than that, the manager asked his players to go out and give the home crowd a good time. The home crowd had a GREAT time.
Stegger Athletic won their final game by five goals to nil. The players were on song and the fans were more vocal than the Canterbury Cathedral Choir.
After the match we were lucky enough to interview the mastermind behind this season's achievements, Soloman84.
Between mouthfuls of ribs and whiskey at a dive bar in Bournemouth, we questioned the great gaffer about this season, his squad and what the future holds for him and his team.
STEGGERINGLY AWESOME FANZINE: Soloman, you're not a very naughty boy, you're the messiah! Thank you and well done on a fricking awesome season dude. What's been the best bit about the season for you?
SOLOMAN: Thank you for the free ribs and whiskey. I'm only staying till it's gone. The best part for me has been getting to know the lads. They're young sportsmen so most of them are pretty dim but I like that, it makes me feel cleverer.
S.A.F: Fans have taken to calling you "the special one".Do you agree that that's a fair assessment and will you take this beautiful club to the promise land?
SOLOMAN: Yeah, it seems reasonable. I'm not here to blow my own trumpet though, I assumed you would arrange someone for that. And yes, I will take this team club to the promise land; the top division. That's where we are going. This was our first season, and they won't get any easier but I think we should be setting our sights high.
S.A.F: Is it quite right to set the sights at a height where it's bright in the spotlight?
SOLOMAN: Ummm, I don't know. Have I had too much whiskey?
S.A.F: What I mean to say is, the team is young and undeveloped; is there a danger that getting too far too soon could be counter-productive?
SOLOMAN: Listen, we're not here to hide. We are not going to cower from the giants, dragons and ghouls of the Golden League. We are Stegger Athletic. We are the thing that goes bump in the night. We will develop and learn together. We might stumble occasionally but we are heading for the top. The sooner we get there, the better.
S.A.F : I think you may have had too much whiskey. But it's reassuring for fans to hear you are at this club for the long term and it is not just a stepping stone on what will inevitably be an illustrious managing career. What are your expectations next season?
SOLOMAN: Well, I'm expecting to come up against another manager in the league. That would be a nice start. If I can get that I'll take it. Obviously I'm expecting another league title too.
S.A.F: Some have said that your comments in press releases this season have been generic and dull. Do you intend to drink more whiskey next season and will we see the benefit of that in your pre and post-match comments?
Soloman: Yes. My new season resolution is to drink more whiskey. Will that make me less dull? I can't say. But one thing is for sure, Soloman84 will definitely be referring to himself in third person more often. Soloman OUT!
With that, the charismatic jackass wiped his mouth on a napkin, downed the last of the 18 year single malt scotch from the bottle and left the restaurant.
It's been a good change report for the squad and only a couple of players failed to make the cut for the squad next season. As the future fixtures draw insidiously closer, it's early to feel trepidation. But do not fear. It is important to remember this: we are Stegger Athletic. We are the thing that goes bump in the night. Division 6 could be scary. But we are scarier.
Bring.
It.
On
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