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| Data is the key to success |
Go Ahead Eikels are enjoying a purple streak these days, with only 1 league defeat in 6 months. While many would attribute this merely to a promising young team starting to fulfil its potential, if you stated this opinion to Rosscoe he would laugh in your face, and spray you liberally with puff pastry from his lunchtime pasty. You see, it’s much more complicated than that...
Earlier this year they employed a Director of Statistics - Dirk Geek - for the first time. He was charged with analysing any data anywhere that might lead to gaining a competitive advantage in terms of results – no matter how small. The results have been no less surprising than they have been dramatic.
The first job was to look at all elements of match behaviour to identify any patterns which correlate with winning. As a result, the Dutch side now, for example, only ever deliver inswinging corners (as these are more likely to result in a goal), and have increased passing slickness by over 14%.
Geek: “One of the things we noticed right away was that slick passing improves possession, reduces wasted energy, and ultimately contributes towards the likelihood of a win. As soon as we realised this, we employed a Slickness Coach and watched the stats fly.”
But rather than sticking with conventional tactical decisions, the Eikels have been thinking outside the pitch, as the saying goes. Mr Geek has analysed hundreds of football clubs and run their variables through a computer programme, in order to identify everything that statistically gives a better chance of winning.
The results are shrouded in secrecy, but Mr Geek has been prepared to release a small number of his findings – some of which are very surprising. The club has learned that the following are all statistically significant factors in the continued success of a football team:
- Each team line-up should include at least 2 but no more than 4 left-footers
- The tea lady should be widowed
- There should be an even number of advertising hoardings at the ground
- The weakest outfielder should take the kick-off
- Exactly seven players on the field should be wearing Under Armour TM at any one time
- Each goalscorer should leave the field of play during a goal celebration
- Blond players should take throw-ins whenever possible
- Match programmes should be printed on non-recycled paper
The club has taken appropriate action to ensure as many success factors can be harnessed as possible, right down to poisoning the tea lady’s husband (being old, he would have died soon anyway). With this wealth of information at their fingertips, it is little wonder that the club has 6 straight league wins under its metaphorical belt and the manager has reached the dizzy heights of the world top 20 for the first time.
How long before every club has its own Director of Statistics?
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